My Old, His New

Loss is gain. I have heard that saying many times, but never have I understood and experienced it myself as much as I do now.

Over the past year during my walk with Jesus, I’ve realized that I have to sometimes lose in order to gain. To the naked eye, that saying is harsh and can sometimes be frightening. Many people hold on to things because they feel as though they need them in order to live, keeping it has become a habit, or because they are too addicted to a thing or person to ever see themselves without it.

We often consider a loss as something that was taken from us unwillingly, out of nowhere. Although, that is the case at times, I have grown to realize that a loss can occur at our own will.

Throughout my walk with the Lord—which has been filled with many ups and downs—I have been challenged to give some things up. To “take a loss.” Of course, giving up the things I held oh, so dear to was not easy at all, but it has been oh, so worth it.

If you aren’t familiar with my testimony (which is still being written) check it out here But to give a bit of a background, I suffered from symptoms of depression and anxiety for many years. Things were dark and gray for so long that I resultantly accepted that this was my new way of living. Boy was I so blind.


December 2016, I decided that enough was enough and sought out help from a psychiatrist. I won’t go much in detail here but I believe that taking that first step of admitting I needed help, and actually having the desire to feel better, lead me to a relationship with Jesus in May 2017.

I can’t paint a pretty picture of how I began my serious walk with Jesus because I literally decided over a weekend that I was going to get up early Monday morning and read my Word. And let me tell you—Best. Decision. Ever. And I haven’t looked back since.

My journey with Jesus hasn’t been the prettiest, yet it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. My heart is so full, yet so free. My mind is rejuvenated, and the voice I once lost has been found and revived.

My God has redeemed me of so much over the last year, I can hardly stand it. At this point, you may be rolling your eyes, but trust me, I cannot lie about this stuff. I literally still have moments (like today) where I just ugly cry and thank the good Lord for waking me up from that deep sleep I was in. Because to tell you the truth, that life I lived before Christ, was not living at all. I was merely just surviving and going through the motions. And if you ask me, that is NO way for anyone to live. I wouldn’t wish the life I was living on my worst enemy. Yea, it’s that serious! If you want more detail about why I said what I said and a bit of a background regarding my life before Christ, I highly suggest you to click here.

Anyway, I got a little off subject but yeah, life is pretty good. And I am not saying this in a “Everything is dandy, I have no worries or no problems” type of way. But rather in the most humble way possible. I smile A LOT more. My husband is always calling me goofy, which is a compliment to me. And I can allow myself to enjoy the simple things in life. I have this new pep in my step, a light that diminished my darkness.

But, as you may be wondering, how on Earth did I get here!? From where I was, to where I am now? Because, I couldn’t have gotten here by simply reading my Word, right?


Although, I read my Word, listen to worship music, and pray to God, doesn’t mean everything just fell into place. Because it wasn’t like that at all.

Following Jesus as best as possible (because I’m far from perfect) has come at a cost. I have lost so many things—things I considered good but really weren’t good at all, and bad things that caused me harm. Things such as; a social media following I clung to, alcohol dependency, and substance abuse. I have even lost friendships. But, as horrible as it may sound, it was all for a greater cause. It just reminds me of the suffering Jesus went through in order to receive His glory. Going through it, I’m sure it didn’t feel good at all, but at the same time, the victory outweighed and outnumbered the cost.

I held on to many things that I thought I needed in order to maintain this false identity, believing I would be worse than I was if I gave it up. But again, boy was I wrong. The things I allowed to define me were the very things tearing me up inside and contributing to a heavy heart that was far from God.


The more I received Jesus’ love, the more I realized that He has no intentions to hurt me. It’s the complete opposite. He wants me to experience total victory in every area of life. Of course, the result of giving up things I was accustomed and addicted to was and still is hard. Trust me, the struggle is definitely real. But the more I give, the more I realize what was actually needed. It’s almost as if the more I give Him, the more I am able to see through His eyes. Because He reveals truth, and His truth sets us free. And this truth can only be known through our obedience to Him.

Again, I cannot give you a play by play on how to receive healing because I believe that every healing process is different just as we are all made differently. The Lord is the only One who knows what we need, how we need it, and exactly when we need it. What I can say though, is to start with surrenderance. Start with what you have right now, exactly where you are at this moment.

Don’t wait until you can stop drinking, smoking, clubbing, etc., to go to Him for deliverance or to start an intimate relationship with Him. Start right now with what you have. He is the only one who deserves our whole heart. Not a mere human, but Him. Give Him the parts of your heart that you have hidden, which really isn’t hidden at all when it comes to the Lord. He sees those areas, yet He still loves you.

Lastly, always be open to change. It is scary, I know, but I can attest it to being a vital part in your walk with God. And to make it even more personal, Matthew 9:17 reads “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved.”

I highly suggest you study that scripture for yourself in order to receive clarity, but in short, it means that you cannot become the person God created to be when you hold on to the old things, old natures, and habits in place. Especially if they don’t bring glory to God or align with His word. You must be stripped of those old ways, and exchange them for the new—His new.

Whatever He asks of you, do your best to obey. For John 14:15 reads, “If you love me, you will obey my commands.”

God’s love isn’t for those who are perfect, because that doesn’t exist. He’s looking for an open, willing, surrendered heart to do a great and mighty work in. All you have to do is oblige 🙂

Forever rooting for you,

Marie Lewis ♥

Your input is welcomed! What loss have you experienced in order to gain through Christ? Let us know in the comments below!


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