I wonder what would happen if us women were real with one another. You know, the type of real that shows our true self without apology, shame, or regret. The type of real that the only one to have a front seat ticket is behind closed door. I often wonder how freeing that would be.
I took my almost 9-year-old daughter to her friend’s birthday party over the weekend. To say the least, it was LIT! Pedi’s, mani’s, dance offs, make-up sessions, etc. were some of the activities present. I won’t lie, I actually left the party feeling great, considering the fact that I absolutely dreaded even going 2 weeks prior (shh, tell no one!)
Other than the BOMB Oreo cookie layered with purple frosting, there was one other particular experience I left thinking about. In fact, it’s been two days later and it is still pretty fresh on my mind.
A little background story about me—I used to work in childcare for about 4 years, over 4 years ago (if that makes sense lol). So I was really shocked to see a woman walk in the party who looked really familiar. It turns out that I used to be her then two-year-old daughter’s teacher. I won’t even discuss how crazy this woman looked at me as I stated where, when, and how I knew her. Uh, can someone say stalker??! LOL!
After the onset of awkwardness, she then asked me the dreaded question I absolutely hate being asked.
“So, what are you doing now?”
SCRRREEECCHH!! My heart and mind was racing a thousand miles per second as I said (unthoughtfully) the first thing that popped to mind.
“Oh, I’m a work-from-home mom now.”
I instantly questioned why I said that, especially since it came out as awkward as ever. I mean, I literally cringe every time I replay myself saying it because the moment was so embarrassing—for me, at least.
The conversation continued, of course, and it wasn’t long before she spat out what she does for a living. Y’all, this lady seriously should receive the coolest job of the year award. The entire time she spoke, I kept thinking about why I didn’t lie and say I did something more important. I mean, seriously! This woman told me her job title in a “it sounds like your job sucks, but thank God mine doesn’t” type of way.
Although, I lied about what I do for a living, I couldn’t help but wonder why I didn’t just tell her the truth. I mean, I am getting better with accepting what I truly do for a living. Or, so I thought. Or, maybe I am just so used to making up this ‘perfect’ story about who I am and what I do that it has become second nature? Either way, I left that party after talking with the woman, feeling a bit defeated.
I understand that the enemy (Satan) does not want me to enjoy my life, where I am or who I am. He wants me to feel inadequate. He wants me to believe that being a stay-at-home mom/wife is unimportant and that I don’t matter. The saddest part of all? I actually believed those lies for a very long time.
But, enough of that!
I refuse to think my job isn’t up to par of a doctor, dentist, or pharmaceutical. Shoot, as I think about it– I am all that plus more. I cook, clean, bandage, soothe, teach, counsel, and love as hard as I possibly can, even on the days when I feel like hiding under a rock all by myself to binge watch Netflix (again, tell no one).
I cannot paint a picture of how much I do in one single day compared to someone who sits at a desk for 8-hours straight (more power to ya’ sis!) but what I can say is that being a stay-at-home wife and mom is one of the most tiring, rewarding, challenging, loving experiences ever. My job is literally never done—except when my head hits the pillow and in the midst of typing this blog, lol.
Some may not agree, but I wish I could go back in time just to tell that woman from the daycare I taught at, the truth. I would like to look her straight in the eyes, with my head held high, and tell her what I actually do for a living without fear, shame, or regret. Especially since that is the woman I am slowly becoming—unapologetically.
The more I think about the situation (and the lie I told) the more I wonder what her reaction would have been had I told the truth from the get-go. And, I am not just talking the whole being a stay-at-home wife and mom thing. I’m talking the whole nine– depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, inadequacy. Yea—that stuff.
Some of you may wonder why or how I would even dare bring that stuff up. But I beg to differ. I want people (women, especially) to know the real me. The girl who has given her brokenness to God, and has been allowing Him to turn it into something much more beautiful. The woman whose heart and mind feels so much clearer and a lot less burdened. I am the woman who has chosen to take up her cross and follow the Lord as best as possible—the woman who fears the Lord and wants nothing more than to keep Him first in her life, always. The woman I am (slowly) becoming is the woman I want to share with others’–flaws, shortcomings, and all.
How much better things would be if we were able to put down our front and share our true selves with other hurting women? Would we get the same response that is given? Maybe. Maybe not. But, it is worth the shot. If me being transparent is what is needed in order for women to recognize their own brokenness, and turn it over to the Lord in order to learn the truth and be set free from those chains of bondage, then so be it. I will do just that. There is someone out there awaiting my testimony.
To the woman who is in my shoes, don’t allow the pressure or discomfort keep you from owning up to who you truly are. We are all beautifully and wonderfully made, and created for a specific purpose—to point others’ back to our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is up to us to let our light shine in someone else’s darkness no matter how uncomfortable or tough it may be.