There comes a time in a person’s life where things are not going their way. You may have lost someone close, lost your job, or maybe even be battling with depression. Whatever the case, just know everything will be okay in due time.
One of the things I have never talked about publicly is my own battle with depression. I was diagnosed with major depression and generalized anxiety. I knew something was wrong, I just ignored it and didn’t want to admit it. I honestly thought I would wake up and everything I felt would disappear. Every single day was a huge challenge for me. I woke up sad, interacted with my kids sad, always wanted to be alone, and lost all hope of everything. My days were so dark and to me things seemed like they would never change. You may be wondering how I got diagnosed or why I decided to seek professional help.
The day the thought of brushing my toddlers teeth exhausted me was the day I knew I needed help.
You see, no one deserves to go through darkness every day. So don’t ever believe that you should ignore the feelings you are experiencing. Those thoughts are there for a reason, and it is up to you to find out why.
I spent YEARS ignoring my feelings because I thought for sure they would go away on their own. I believed I was just having a bad day—even though those bad days were happening every single day.
I accepted the pain. I accepted the numbness. I accepted the bad habit of drinking to ease my pain. I accepted the constant bad moods and not being present (mentally) in my daughters’ lives. Or anyone else’s for that matter.
I’m not sure what changed and how—I honesty can’t give you the play by play of why I decided to talk to a professional.
One day I woke up and decided I didn’t want to be that way anymore. I craved to feel good and actually feel some type of emotion. So I made the call.
I can’t tell you that speaking out to someone will change you for good. I can’t promise you that your depression or bad days will immediately go away. But what I can tell you is everything will be okay. You just have to believe that.
You deserve happiness. You deserve to be okay. You also deserve to cry when you need to.
I spent so many of my days trying to be strong and holding my emotions in that I believe it is what made me so numb. Don’t do that to yourself. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to vent, vent. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. We are all battling something in our lives. It is up to you on how you choose deal with it. Life is too precious to spend your days being unhappy.
By the grace of God, I am doing SO much better today than I was a few months ago. I feel emotion. I wake up thankful. I actually enjoy my kids more (this is a story for another day). I see so much joy around me. There’s sunshine in my head rather than that constant gray, dark cloud. I now have the strength to clean up my home and actually enjoy it. I feel like I have a purpose now. For that, ALL praise goes to the most High God! To God be the glory!
You see, without Him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t believe I deserved to be healed. The Lord loves you and He hasn’t forgotten about you. And He never will! You just have to keep going through those bad days, keep faith, and remember His strength is made perfect in your weakness! He will heal you! Better days are coming, so just keep holding on!
Always in my prayers,